There is a stark difference in emotional enjoyment after a casual hookup between men and women, especially in the immediate aftermath. More than half of the women questioned in one study reported negative feelings. What explains these negative feelings? The dissatisfied women shared the same theme: they did not want a relationship and only got sex, but they felt “used” at the end of the night or the next day.
It is true that some men are only out for themselves and don’t care about how others feel, but these numbers are so high that many good, kind men are also inadvertently causing emotional distress to their partners. So be upfront about what you want if you want to hook up with a girl.
Ward notes that not all women want relationships, so it is better to make no assumptions than the wrong ones. Now, read on for helpful, actionable tips to ensure you’re playing the field responsibly and bringing joy and happiness to the people you hook up with.
Don’t Drink That Last Drink
Theoretically, drunk sex sounds fun, but it is often a sloppy, messy disaster (if you get it up at all). Those last drinks are definitely going to hit you where it hurts: in the genitals. Ladies and gentlemen, whiskey dick is real. There’s no guarantee that you’ll be able to hit the right spots, keep a rhythm, or avoid spins when switching from a doggie to a cowgirl position, says Emily Morse, a sexologist.
Don’t Associate “Sleazy” With “Effective”
There’s a stereotype that sleazy, creepy players get girls, but I see this type of guy when I’m out, and his approach doesn’t work. When it comes to taking a girl home, trust is an important component. The girl has to trust you in order for the one-night stand to be a fun one, and sometimes, even more importantly, her friends must trust you as well. Rather than spouting canned pickup lines you read about on the internet, be yourself and be real when you approach a girl.
Don’t Use Obvious Big Red Flag Phrases
Whenever you start mentioning “my place” or “have sex,” the interaction will end – even if she is already interested in having sex. A woman’s transition from a date to sex should be as smooth as going down a slide. Many women often fear being judged for having such casual sex, even from the man they want to sleep with.
Take the Initiative Like a Real Gentleman
Taking the lead doesn’t mean that you should be pushy or physically aggressive. It just means you don’t sit around waiting for things to happen. Tell a girl where you are going or what you are about to do by taking her hand. In this way, the girl won’t feel slutty, and you’re positioning yourself as a guy who feels entitled to lead (and that’s attractive to women), says Valentine.
Guys, Try Not to Ghost Her
The feeling of being used after a one-night stand is one of the biggest reasons women regret it. It’s not that they didn’t want to have sex or even casual sex. But, it’s just them feeling like feeling discarded afterward. It doesn’t matter how small the gesture is – a phone call, a text to check in, or a Facebook or Instagram DM – it can go a long way in reassuring her you had a good time, it was a fun and exciting evening, and you have not yet forgotten about her.